I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
