sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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