Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize