We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
