she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
