you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
