I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
