well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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