positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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