I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
