I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
