Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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