If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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