Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
