I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
