even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
