I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
