Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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