quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
