just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
