i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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