Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
