Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You ruined the universe
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
