Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
