I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
