I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Say something about gay babies.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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