I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
