if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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