Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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