she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
third nipple confirmed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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