Rock
Scissors
Fuck
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
