Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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