You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
