A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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