Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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