What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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