We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
