i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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