How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
