Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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