ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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