hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
BRING THE BAGELS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
