just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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