went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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