It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
