your parents love me but you hate me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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