can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Houston, we have a squirter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize
