New invention idea: vibrating tampons
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The uberlube is also flammable
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
