3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize