Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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