I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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