Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize