Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
