Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
