Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
