I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
