Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
