i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
