OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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