be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
