Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
