I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize