I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
