I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
