absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
