He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
