Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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