I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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